


Don't die for me

by Melime



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: John's self-sacrificing tendencies cause problems when Rodney learns that John nearly died to save him.





	Don't die for me

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Não morra por mim](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533042) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



John stood there for a full minute before trying the door control again. “Come on, McKay, open the damn door.” Still no answer, which shouldn’t be surprising, but was. Rodney was ignoring pretty much everyone since they got back, but John was hoping he would be the exception.

He was running out of options. He knocked on the door for good measure. “I got you some chocolate. The good stuff, not that one they brought in the last Daedalus trip.” He waited a little longer, but there was no movement inside that he could hear.

He could accept that Rodney simply wasn’t ready to talk and walk away but knowing Rodney he would try to ignore what happened, which John could understand, because he did the same, but he knew that wasn’t healthy and didn’t want that for Rodney. He could wait outside until Rodney got tired of him knocking on the door, but that would call a lot of attention to him and he didn’t want that. His last option was overruling the lock and getting in, which Rodney himself had done to him on numerous occasions, but he still felt that was a violation of privacy, especially now that they were… something, although he wasn’t sure what that something was.

After a moment’s hesitation, he touched the door and closed his eyes, concentrating on getting through to Atlantis. He asked, not ordered her to open the door, concentrating on how worried he was about Rodney, letting her know this was important. Rodney kept insisting there was no evidence that Atlantis had an AI, but John knew better, even if he couldn’t quite explain how he knew that.

The door opened, and he stepped inside quickly, allowing it to close behind him. When his eyes adapted to the darkness, he saw Rodney, sitting on his desk, with a blanket over his head. The only source of light was Rodney’s computer, and even that was on its lowest setting.

“Rodney,” he called softly, trying not to startle him. “You didn’t answer the door.”

“That’s because I don’t want to talk to you. I thought you were smart enough to figure that one out for yourself. Clearly I was wrong,” he said, without turning to face John.

John flinched. He knew there was a chance Rodney blamed him, John certainly blamed himself, but he didn’t expect Rodney’s anger to take this shape. If Rodney wasn’t complaining then he was really angry.

“Everyone is worried about you, I just wanted to come and see if you are ok.”

Rodney laughed hysterically. “Worried about me! See if I’m ok! Do you even listen to yourself?”

That stung, John couldn’t believe that Rodney thought he didn’t care. “I’m sorry it took us so long to get to you, I shouldn’t have let them take you out of my sight, but Rodney, you have to know that I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat!”

“Don’t you see that’s exactly the problem?” Rodney jumped from his chair and turned to face John. “Teyla told me what you did. You nearly killed yourself to lift the shield from my cell, and if Zelenka hadn’t found a way to get the Daedalus’ transporters to work through that interference, you would have been crushed!”

Well, that… was not what he was expecting. “I was trying to save you, and it worked! We’re both here, and we’re both safe, so I’m not going to say I’m sorry for doing my job.”

“Is that all you were doing then? You job?” he asked in a sadder, softer tone.

“What’s this about, Rodney?” John knew this kind of behaviour wasn’t unusual for someone who experienced torture, even if Rodney had only been in the natives’ power for a little over a day, but he wanted to understand what was going on inside Rodney’s head.

“Did you even think about what I was going to do if you died trying to save me?”

And then it all made sense. It wasn’t their first mission since the first time they kissed, nor was it the first one where they got hurt, but it was the first time John risked his life to save Rodney’s, and the first close call since that night only a couple months before. They said that this unnamed thing between them wasn’t going to get in the way of the team, but it was obvious that that wasn’t working as well as planned.

“I thought about what I was going to do if you died because I couldn’t save you, and no one would want to see that.”

“If you had died, I would have destroyed everything that was in the way of me finding a way to save you, do you understand that? So don’t go around throwing your life away like it doesn’t matter, because I won’t allow that. Do you understand? I won’t allow you to die for me.”

“Rodney…” he didn’t know what to say, but he believed him, Rodney wasn’t the kind to just say these things. “I can’t let you die, if there’s something I can do to prevent that. Atlantis needs you too much. I… I need you.”

Rodney came closer. “I love you, and if you make me have to deal with your death, I’ll never forgive you.”

John cupped Rodney’s face. “I can’t promise you that I won’t die, you know that.”

Rodney nodded. “I know.”

John kissed him, it wasn’t a solution, there was no solution, not with the life they had, but it was all they had for now. One day at a time, holding on to each other, and hoping that death wouldn’t come for them that day.


End file.
